Fight or Flight

There comes a time when a relationship starts to become deep and more intimate. When that happens I became introverted and backed off slowly, then would run away. This was my life story.

Anytime anyone got to close and was able to see the real me, that was to far in my book. It was with friends, guys, and even family. I could honestly say that no one knew me, and I was perfectly fine with that. When my sister would tell me she knew me, I would kind of laugh on the inside and think "you know what I want you to know." Sounds weird, but I was so proud that no one knew the "real" me. I didn't realize that it was just because I didn't know the "real" me, or who I was. I had no definition of who I was. I was what anyone wanted me to be.

Until I got here, I had never had a true deep connection or relationship with someone. Within the first couple weeks of school they dealt with your feelings, emotions, and who God has called you. That really opened up my eyes to community and people around you. God has made us for fellowship and connections with people. I was thinking "why have I been trying to hide who I am from everyone?" The reason came down to me putting up protection to keep people from hurting me. One of the biggest things I dealt with was having people misunderstand me, and if they find out who the real me was, that they would reject me. After learning that I am freaking awesome whether people can see that or not (haha!), I learned that you have to keep God in the God Spot. Sometimes we will put friends, family, or people in the God spot and that is where things get all messed up. If you have God in His spot then you are solely receiving from Him, Who you are, what He calls you, and constantly receiving love which you are then able to give out to people. When people don't have God in His spot one thing they can become is clingy. They want to try to be connected to your hip because they are looking for something or someone to sustain them.

Once I understood this, it was like my connections with all of my friends grew deeper. They weren't just surface level. We started on a journey to truly know each other and be there with them through whatever. I want to fight for the relationship's I get into. I'm not gonna run away in fear of how they might hurt me. One of the amazing things my RG pastor said was " I have already forgiven you for the hurt you haven't even done yet." The hurt that you haven't done yet will not effect me or the relationship I have with you. This is not just with friends, I have made it a point to have healthy relationships with guys and whenever I do start to date.

 Being skillful in guarding your heart but being transparent with people.

I am so thankful for the friends and people Abba has put in my life. They are truly amazing! For me this is just the beginning.

 

Side-note:

I want you to stop and think, if you could ask God one question that he would answer what would it be?

Almost 90% of people would have questions about "Who am I?" "What have you called me to do?" 

Everyone wants to know what there purpose is and why they are here. Your identity. Unless you are find your identity in who He has called you to be, people find it in everything else. Ask Holy Spirit what Abba thinks of you. See what he says.